Born in a manger. In a stable. In Bradford. Can chop a paving slab in half with his bare hands holding a powerful, slab-chopping pneumatic drill. Holds the UK record for most number of villages chased out of at the point of a pitchfork. 90% pork. 10% breadcrumbs. No added water.
Moulded from the spare parts of a secret Cold War experiment. In Wokingham. Awarded an Emmy in 1990 for the 0.53-second space between “Stop!” and “Hammer Time”. Capable of leaping over tall buildings miniaturised in Lego form. No artificial limbs, colourings or preservatives.
Andy met Rich at university in the 1990s at roughly the same time Rich met Andy. Since then, they’ve been writing for breakfast, lunch, second lunch, pre-dinner dinner, dinner and tea. Now they’re a pair of reckless, feckless, pay-cheque-less wannabe has-been inbetweeners-at-heart with a crazy dream and a series of other dreams involving Croesus-like wealth, yachts and those cool cars they had in The Persuaders.
Aside from their script-writing, the dynamic duo wrote and hosted a weekly internet radio show, The Open Tune-iversity, which aired for 2 years on RidgeRadio.co.uk and continues to botherate ear trumpets to this day on 107 Meridian FM. Many episodes can still be found on mixcloud.com for those keen on listening to garage rock, indie power-pop, pop-indie-power-rock-garage-pop and the witterings of two middle-aged yacht and sports car dreamists. Andy has numerous flash fiction pieces posted at visualverse.org, is a freelance writer and content editor for holiday pennies and has an on-going travelogue of his globe-trotting adventures at email@example.com. Rich has written a fantasy novel, penned competition-winning short stories and regularly reviews novels for the British Fantasy Society. Both have independently ghostwritten ghost stories for ghosts.
- procrastinating (when they can get round to it)
- silly voices
- Dirk Benedict
- Dirk Bogarde
- Dirk chocolate
- everything neat and tidy, tidied neatly by someone else
- you – dear, devilish, darling you